Why are people on dating apps?

Every time my friends and I gather, one of the usual topics is, "How's it going this week on those dating apps? Have you met anyone interesting?" I am always baffled by people who can handle several accounts simultaneously, including mainstream ones like Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, and Coffee Meets Bagel, as well as niche ones in China like 她说. I find using just one to be incredibly time-consuming and energy-draining.

I am a big fan of Bumble. Its existence is a boon for users like me, who appreciate a detailed presentation of oneself with pictures, self-introductions, and questions and answers, but who also don’t want to be overwhelmed by the need for extensive information. In short, I see it as a wonderful combination of Hinge and Tinder. I have been using it for years, and after talking to hundreds of people, I believe I have a sufficiently large sample pool to support my statements here.

1. The rumor has been confirmed: some guys do swipe right all the time and filter their matches afterward.

2. Appearance is the precondition for any potential connections that may follow.

3. Women do have more initiative here than men.

4. Dating apps are places to pursue fun rather than marriage.

Since I intentionally collected data for this article, my opening for each match has changed from a simple "Hello, what's up" to "I'm doing research, gotta some questions, you in or out?" If you're wondering whether the responses have shifted from monotonous to intriguing, I can say definitively yes. Ninety percent of the respondents were curious about the nature of my research, five percent thought I was just using it as a casual opener, and the remaining five percent were not interested in the research or any possible follow-up questions.

My first question was, "Do you swipe right here all the time?" I found it interesting that only two guys admitted to swiping right indiscriminately. One explained that he then carefully evaluated each match's profile to keep only those he was genuinely interested in. Another added that it made him feel good by getting so many matches. I had assumed that this was a common strategy to save time and increase the likelihood of getting matches, especially since I have matched with countable guys who later unmatched me. It turns out, however, that it is a niche technique that is either already in use or just beginning to gain popularity among men.

My second question was, "What makes you swipe right in general?" Responses like "Beauty," "Looks," and "She's hot or not" repeatedly appeared in the messages from guys. I wasn't surprised, as I had already assumed that visual attractiveness is the priority on dating apps and the primary factor in determining how many matches or likes one can receive. I still hoped, however, that someone sophisticated and insightful could provide me with a more nuanced and mature answer. Luckily, an economic editor X impressed me with his detailed explanation: "I look at the interests people have put in their bio, the clothing they wear, pictures they chose, and the way they do their make-up. Prompts are important to me." When I asked him to elaborate on how he knows those attractive girls are not showcasing their personalities, he expanded on his thoughts: "Usually they have nothing on their bio or prompts. Sometimes they have no photos where they seem to smile or have fun, or they only show their body. It's not necessarily a turn-off if they do show their body or have nothing in their bio/prompts if their pictures are funny or unique in a way that is done with purpose, which intrigues me. I wouldn't say they are not showing personality; it's just that I feel like they lack depth in the way I seek it. Sometimes I'll see someone who is physically attractive, but I know by the way they present themselves they will not be intellectually stimulating for me to interact with (I don't mean this in a bad way, but just not my type)." I pondered his response for a while. On one hand, I was glad that there are still men on dating apps who seek depth and genuine connections rather than just hollow sexual impulses. On the other hand, I worried that those with such high standards might struggle to find what they want on these platforms.

Before conducting this research, I was acutely aware that, compared to most women seeking serious relationships, many men use dating apps primarily for hookups or casual relationships. Now, I feel even more confident in this observation. One of the most common explanations I hear from men is, "I just got out of a long-term relationship, so I'm really not ready to jump into another one." This phrase has become so ubiquitous that it highly raises my suspicions about its authenticity. It often feels as if men have collectively crafted this convenient excuse to deceive women. Since this is a generally acknowledged sentiment, I did not spend time confirming it with others. Instead, I discovered something else that intrigues me.

I cannot speak for all girls, but my close friends and I have certain standards when it comes to swiping. We consider looks, education or job background, and any other information provided in the profile. Have I swiped right just because a guy looks attractive? Yes, I have. However, under most circumstances, I do review the entire profile before making a final decision. After countless conversations with guys of diverse ethnicities, social statuses, education levels, and life values, I can confirm that discussions with people who hold higher education degrees or advanced career positions are often more surprising, thought-provoking, and challenging than those with individuals who lack such competitive edges. For those privileged individuals, they have also raised the bar in dating. Being sporty, ambitious, intelligent, and attractive is never redundant. Understandably, how can an exceptional person settle for someone who is far below their capabilities? This common sense applies to both dating apps and offline blind dates.

Girls, I bet you're confused when you see that the first shot is a group photo. I can’t help but wonder: Who would choose a group photo as their cover? It turns out many guys do that, so I wanted to uncover the reasoning behind it. Unlike girls, who often put in the effort to pose for satisfying solo pictures, guys tend to be too lazy to make that effort. I asked for further clarifications: "Aren't you worried that your cover photo determines whether you can grab a girl's attention in the first two seconds—and vice versa? A group photo only makes it difficult for us to figure out which person you are, so you're likely to lose 98% of your potential matches." This guy Z's answer struck me like an epiphany. He has two main reasons for his approach. First, most group photos are taken during events, trips, or parties, highlighting his hobbies and adventurous side. Second, the element of mystery piques curiosity about "which one" he is in the group, enticing girls to read more of his profile information. Although I invariably give group photos no chance of survival, I cannot speak for all the other girls; perhaps such strategic ambiguity does work sometimes.

Another significant conflict that frequently arises on dating apps is the balance between attractiveness and personality traits. Personally, I sometimes swipe right on people who may be less physically attractive to me but possess appealing qualities such as how they craft their prompts, choose their pictures, and present themselves. For instance, I interviewed a mixed Asian guy who, purely based on looks, was not my type. However, I still swiped right because in his six photos, he thoughtfully included one in a decent suit, one of him running a marathon, one party shot with several friends, suggesting his easy-going and adaptable nature, one photo with an airplane model, possibly indicating his hobby or vocation, and one in army uniform. I wasn't sure how to interpret that, but I was willing to give him a chance. It turns out, his mindset intrigued me. When I asked him, "What makes you swipe right in general?" he replied, "A pretty face combined with at least one of the following three personality traits: humor, a bit of craziness, and/or a strong sense of independence." He complimented my profile for showing no signs of insecurity, which led me to my follow-up question: "What are the indicators of insecurity?" He responded, "When someone chooses too many pictures where you can't even see their face, that's a big one for me." I was astonished because it had never occurred to me that sometimes being shy in front of the camera could be such an obvious sign of insecurity from a guy's perspective.

It can never hurt to look closely at a guy's profile, especially his education and job background, hobbies, and the effort he has put into building his profile. Trust me, a guy who only posts several pictures showcasing his pecs or a close-up of his jawline is likely looking for hookups. I spoke with a 30-year-old banker who caught my attention with his introduction, which included "I love history and am studying Spanish now," in addition to his attractive physique. I asked him to share a bizarre date experience. He recounted, "Once, I went on a date with a girl, but I had to cut it short because she kept complaining about her life. Since then, I've become super careful about whom I choose to date, meaning I have to pay more attention to how she speaks during our online conversations." I find people who embrace and encourage positivity super attractive.

Dating apps play a significant role in our social lives today. People have various reasons for using them; some seek flings, others look for friendships, some hunt for sexual partners, and of course, some still believe in true love. My focus has shifted from seeking a "serious relationship" to pursuing "casual, fun dates," as I've come to enjoy meeting diverse individuals and exploring deeper connections. It may be best not to demonize or idealize dating apps; a balanced perspective is more appropriate today.