Swiping Through Cultures: What 9 International BFF Dates Taught Me...

I believe I have mentioned in my previous articles that I am undergoing a significant transition from being 80% introverted to a more balanced 50% introverted and 50% extroverted. My year of living and studying in LA completely transformed my personality, social skills, and worldview. Furthermore, after moving to Beijing, my best friend "forced" me to attend various social events, such as alumni parties, crowded bars where you can easily strike up conversations with strangers, and brunch spots that capture the relaxed and authentic vibe of LA. Although we are currently facing the reality of temporary separation, this situation unexpectedly allows me to test whether my newfound "extroverted traits" are dependent on her presence or if they have genuinely become part of my internal makeup.

Long story short, I am becoming increasingly comfortable spending time with newly met people and getting to know them by showing curiosity about and interest in their lives. At the same time, I have also discovered how the physical environment and cultural identity play a significant role in this journey of boosting confidence and developing proficient social skills. Now, let's deep dive into details.

One of my New Year resolutions for 2025 is to meet more new people and embrace a wider range of values and perspectives. To achieve this goal, I started using the BFF function on Bumble, which allows users to make friends online with others in the same city and smoothly transition to offline meetings if the vibe is right. The first person I met was a French-African girl in November 2024; she was sweet, thoughtful, and intelligent. The second person I met was another African girl, and we connected over brunch at a Turkish restaurant, which was a completely new culinary experience for me. We talked for hours without distractions, discomfort, or awkwardness, covering a range of topics from our backgrounds and education to our living experiences in Beijing, habits, culture shock, and side-job operations. The third person I met was a British girl teaching English at an international kindergarten. She is extremely expressive, passionate, decisive, and easygoing. We spent a joyful afternoon near Houhai Hutong, where she vibrantly shared both her bizarre and pleasant experiences in China, as well as her observations of her colleagues at work.

The fourth person I met was a Russian girl studying Finance and Management in Beijing. Despite being only 20, she is sophisticated, well-mannered, and adventurous.

The fifth girl was from Morocco and holds strong religious beliefs, which make her business-driven, sharp, knowledgeable, and loving. We met at a brunch café, and although we only ordered two bland salads and two cups of oat milk coffee, the quality of our conversation was incredibly enlightening. The sixth girl, whom I met at Starbucks while sitting next to me, was from Scotland. I noticed she was enjoying her coffee and heated sandwich, and since we were sitting so close to each other, I started with an opener: "Hey, where are you from?" We had a brief chat, which ended with me inviting her to join my hot pot date with another girl. The whole process went smoothly and naturally, making me realize that talking to people in public places is not as terrifying as I had imagined. The seventh girl was from Germany, and I introduced her to one of my favorite brunch restaurants in Beijing: Alimentari Grande, located in Sanlitun. She shared her insights about cultural shocks, such as how Chinese people spend too much time on their phones, even when they are with friends and family, and how Chinese parents allow their children to eat while walking—behaviors that are considered dangerous and generally discouraged in Germany. She also posed a thought-provoking question: "Do you find yourself to be the same person when you speak Mandarin and English?" To be honest, I had never deeply considered this question, but I am aware that I feel different when I speak different languages. Mandarin is my mother tongue, making it the most straightforward and commonly used tool for communication. In contrast, English somehow grants me more freedom and privileges to express myself, especially when I struggle to articulate my thoughts in Mandarin. While the reasons for showcasing different sides in different languages are better suited for linguists or sociologists, I believe that the culture and community associated with a language significantly influence how we shift our modes of expression.

The eighth girl was from Mexico. Initially drawn to her pretty smile in her profile, she embodied the passion, humility, and open-minded spirit typical of Latin culture. She mentioned that I was the first person she had matched with online and the first person she had transitioned to an offline meeting. Before our brunch date, her mother and friends had even warned her to stay vigilant. We spent nearly a day together, visiting Lama Temple, Commune, and Starbucks, covering a wide array of topics. Given that she was the eighth person I had met, many conversations and topics overlapped. However, even though recounting my story repeatedly could be tiring and sometimes boring, it provided me an opportunity to gain insights from them and see how different cultures, races, communities, and personalities merge and spark new ideas. The last girl I met so far was a Colombian married woman. She was incredibly warm-hearted and loving, so our conversations were as pleasant and wide-ranging as with the others, touching on topics like education systems, work ethics, dating life, beauty standards, and healthy eating habits.

With all these amazing girls, I encouraged them to articulate both positive and negative living experiences in Beijing. Some of their observations shocked me, perhaps because I had grown accustomed to them, such as people spitting on the street, the lack of smiles exchanged between strangers, and the prevalence of phone use while walking and eating. Other perspectives made me proud as a Chinese citizen; they found China to be unbelievably safe and convenient, and contrary to the foreign news reports they received back home, they observed that Chinese people are living comfortable and satisfying lives, supported by comprehensive infrastructure, social benefits, and a safe environment provided by the government. I look forward to meeting more people, discovering, and anticipating the sparks and new ideas emerging from these conversations and contemplations.