Good-looking men with condescending attitudes are off-putting

Gorgeous men often act aloof and indifferent because they are accustomed to being pursued by numerous women attracted to their looks. While there are exceptions—handsome men who can also be approachable and down-to-earth—in my experience, most tend to come off as indifferent and dull.

Let me give you a real-life example that just happened yesterday.

My friend and I attended a Halloween costume party hosted by the USC alumni association. We did not dress as specific characters, but we still looked fabulous: elegant with a touch of sexiness, which perfectly fit the party’s unwritten dress code. We paid for an open bar, ensuring that our hands were never empty throughout the night. Let’s be honest: in addition to expanding our social connections and meeting accomplished alumni, such events provide a convenient opportunity for people to seek potential dates.

We initiated conversations with several guys and enjoyed smooth, pleasant interactions with each of them. While talking to an entrepreneur who graduated from the University of Pennsylvania, my friend and I exchanged glances when three tall, handsome, and sophisticated men passed by. We quickly ended our conversation and approached the three men standing in the center of the dance floor. Nervous and a bit intimidated, we prepared ourselves for several minutes before raising our glasses and saying hello. I can’t recall the exact details of our conversation—not only because it was brief, but also because their indifferent attitudes immediately turned me off. We politely concluded with “Nice to meet you guys,” but as soon as we turned away, we began ranting about this impolite and privileged trio.

The incident didn’t affect me much throughout the night, but it did negatively impact my friend’s mood, as she began to question her charm and allure. We are both regulars at trendy bars and party events, and we have never encountered such rudeness before. We have approached attractive men who acted politely and welcomingly, and we have been pursued by less attractive men who were more engaging and interesting.

In another incident, we unexpectedly ran into one of the three men in the unisex bathroom. I was coming out of a stall and heading to the sink when I saw the guy—exactly my type, wearing a white T-shirt with a white sweater tied across his shoulders, showing off his muscular build. He was frantically zipping up his pants after peeing in the communal area. I quickly turned around, and he started apologizing, saying, “Oh, sorry, the line was long, and I couldn’t hold it any longer.” I washed my hands, told him it was fine, and left the bathroom.

After returning to the ballroom, we lingered at the counter, discussing what had just happened while scanning the room. My friend mentioned that several other girls had approached the three men, but they had reacted the same way: emotionless and inexpressive, causing the girls to leave. She asked me, “They seem to have an old-money vibe from their outfits, hairstyles, and demeanor. If they think they’re out of tonight’s girls’ league, why bother coming?” I replied, “I read somewhere that handsome men can sometimes feel so pompous since they’re surrounded by endless compliments from women, which makes them unsurprised when approached at events like this. As for why they still bother attending, I don’t know for sure, but I speculate that some guys enjoy events where they receive all the attention and initiate conversations with women, feeding their egos and self-consciousness.”

I am rewatching *Sex and the City*, and in episode 3, Carrie claims, "It'd be great to have that one special person to walk home with. But sometimes there's nothing better than meeting your single friends for a night at the movies." My friends and I have become very close at USC, and since we are all single, we often discuss how challenging it can be to find a stable relationship in today's dating market. Many men seem driven by sexual intentions or are burdened with ridiculous egos. After what we experienced at the costume party, we've started to see the bright side of being single; spending time with our amazing single friends feels much more fulfilling than dating.

We also have to acknowledge that we live in an era where appearance can earn you certain privileges. However, looks are fleeting, while being humble, polite, amicable, and interesting is enduring.